The world doesn’t wait. It rushes. It grabs what it wants, when it wants it—and calls it freedom. But for those pursuing Christ, love isn’t something you snatch in haste. It’s something you prepare for, pray over, and walk into with wisdom. And that’s why waiting for marriage matters.
It’s not about outdated rules. It’s about honoring a design that was never broken—only ignored. In Beyond Sex: The ABC’s of Courtship and Marriage, Dr. William H Johnson offers a heartfelt, theologically grounded call to reject the temporary highs of modern dating culture in exchange for something eternal: a God-ordained union that begins long before “I do.”
The Problem Isn’t Desire—It’s Direction
Desire in itself isn’t the enemy. God created intimacy. He designed romance. The problem arises when desire runs ahead of discipline—when feelings override faith.
Dr. Johnson doesn’t sugarcoat the reality. Many singles—Christians included—enter relationships based on chemistry, convenience, or loneliness, not spiritual readiness. The result? A generation chasing connection but ending up more fractured than ever.
In his words, “Many singles are trying to find their utopia by playing it safe, living together, using drugs, or indulging in illicit sexual activity.” These are not just lifestyle choices—they’re symptoms of a culture that has forgotten how sacred waiting can be.
Why Waiting is a Spiritual Discipline
Waiting for marriage isn’t just about abstaining—it’s about preparing. It’s not the absence of intimacy but the cultivation of character. Johnson explains that a healthy, godly marriage must be rooted in obedience and transformation:
“The joy and peace of Christianity are a product of obedience to the total will of God and require an active desire to be transformed by His word” (Romans 12:2).
In other words, you can’t build a forever kind of love on momentary impulses. A marriage centered in Christ begins with two people who’ve already submitted to Him individually.
The Power of Courtship Over Casual Dating
Johnson introduces an alternative: courtship in a world that promotes dating as trial-and-error. Courtship isn’t a return to old-fashioned rituals—it’s a return to intentionality. It’s about aligning your emotional and spiritual goals before inviting someone else into your life permanently.
Johnson challenges readers to reflect honestly: Are you spiritually prepared for the demands of marriage? Are you letting God lead your process, or are you taking matters into your own hands?
Courtship places Christ at the center of your romantic journey. It involves accountability, wise counsel, community support, and deep introspection—not just butterflies and texts at midnight.
Bliss Isn’t Built Overnight
One of the most powerful truths in Beyond Sex is this: Blissful marriages are made on earth, not in heaven. They’re forged through prayer, selflessness, understanding, and grace—not fantasy.
“Blissful marriages are heavenly blessings, but they are made in Christ—right here on earth.”
When you wait until marriage, you’re not just protecting your body—you’re laying bricks for a solid, spiritual foundation. You’re building trust. You’re embracing the difficult but beautiful process of becoming one, beyond sex, beyond attraction, beyond emotion.
And when storms come (because they will), the foundation will stand—not because of feelings but faith.
Christian Maturity Is the Real Relationship Goal
Modern dating often makes chemistry the goal. Johnson flips that completely. The real goal? Spiritual maturity. You can’t build a God-centered marriage with someone who isn’t seeking God. And you can’t lead your future household in faith if you aren’t first submitted to the Lord yourself.
This is where waiting comes full circle. It’s not just about saving something—it’s about becoming someone.
“Spiritual growth is the key to realizing the spiritual blessings given to all who have accepted Jesus Christ as Savior.”
When you wait with intention, you give God space to shape you into the partner your future spouse needs. You also learn to recognize someone else who has done the same.
The Dangers of Being Unequally Yoked
One of the strongest admonitions Johnson offers is against being unequally yoked. This isn’t about judgment—it’s about clarity. Two people who walk in opposite spiritual directions will inevitably pull each other apart.
“What fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
When you wait for marriage, you also wait for the right person—someone equally committed to a life led by Christ. The heartbreak and confusion many Christians face in marriage could be prevented if they took this principle seriously before saying “yes.”
Faith, Not Fantasy
Love that lasts isn’t fantasy—it’s faith in action. It’s built on daily decisions to honor God, respect your partner, and keep growing—together. As Johnson wisely says, marriage isn’t a cure for brokenness. It magnifies what’s already there.
So why wait?
Because waiting gives you time to heal. Time to grow. Time to align your desires with God’s purpose. It invites Christ to shape your heart before you give it to someone else.
The Cost of Impatience
One of the greatest dangers in modern courtship is the illusion of progress. Living together before marriage, sleeping together early in the relationship, or skipping spiritual vetting can feel like momentum—but it’s often a detour disguised as destiny.
Dr. Johnson warns that emotional and physical shortcuts often come with spiritual consequences. He writes about the “misery index”—a rising wave of Christian couples facing disconnection, heartbreak, or divorce because they entered marriage unequally yoked or unprepared.
The truth is sobering: a wedding doesn’t erase dysfunction. It amplifies it.
When we rush past the courtship process or minimize its importance, we trade long-term stability for short-term gratification. Worse, we start building a marriage on a shaky foundation, where our feelings are the blueprint instead of God’s Word.
That’s why patience isn’t passive—it’s powerful. It’s in the waiting that we refine our values, test our faith, and discern whether our relationship is truly Christ-centered. If your relationship can’t survive obedience to God’s timing, it won’t thrive in the covenant of marriage either.
Redefining Readiness
So how do you know you’re ready?
Not just emotionally, not just financially—but spiritually.
Dr. Johnson encourages singles to examine their motivation for marriage. Is it rooted in loneliness, pressure, or escape? Or is it inspired by a desire to serve, to love sacrificially, and to build something eternal?
Readiness isn’t about having the perfect partner. It’s about being someone who reflects Christ—through humility, discipline, and unwavering faith. That’s the person who not only waits well but builds well.
And that’s the kind of person who turns waiting into preparation—and marriage into ministry.
A Better Story Awaits
You weren’t made for the world’s version of love—the one that burns fast and fades quicker. You were made for a covenant. A lifelong bond with someone who sees you through the eyes of Christ.
If you’re in a season of waiting, you’re not falling behind. You’re walking with God—trusting His timing, His preparation, and His best for your life.
And when that moment comes—when the wait is over—you’ll know it wasn’t just about holding back. It was about stepping forward, fully ready, into a marriage that reflects heaven here on earth.
Waiting isn’t a weakness. It’s wisdom. It’s a declaration that God’s way is better, and His promises are worth more than any temporary thrill.
Don’t trade a lifetime of purpose for a moment of pleasure.
Choose faith over fleeting desires—and watch how God honors your obedience with blessings beyond your imagination.
