In a culture where relationships are too often reduced to emotional highs and physical gratification, the Christian call to courtship offers a higher standard rooted in covenant, character, and Christ. Beyond Sex: The ABC’s of Courtship and Marriage reclaims the sacred blueprint God designed for those seeking not just companionship but holy union.
This is not a call to deny the beauty of romantic love or the importance of connection. Rather, it is a call to place those desires within spiritual maturity, biblical wisdom, and divine purpose. To go “beyond sex” means to view marriage not as a destination for physical fulfillment but as a sacred platform for discipleship, service, and oneness in Christ.
Let us walk through the ABC’s of Christian courtship and unpack how singles and couples can realign their relationship journey with the heart of God.
Beyond Sex: The ABC’s of Courtship and Marriage
A – Accepting God’s Design for Marriage
Marriage is not a man-made invention—it is a holy institution designed by God Himself. Genesis 2:24 gives us the divine blueprint:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
One flesh. This goes far beyond physical intimacy. It represents spiritual unity, emotional harmony, and lifelong covenant. Unfortunately, many today pursue “oneness” through casual dating, sexual exploration, or emotional dependency—none of which result in a God-honoring union.
Christian courtship begins with acknowledging that God’s ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). His design is not just good; it is the only design that leads to peace, purpose, and permanence. When we accept this truth, we reject the world’s formula and embrace something greater—a relationship grounded in righteousness.
B – Building on a Spiritual Foundation
The strength of a marriage is directly related to its foundation. Jesus teaches in Matthew 7:24-25 that the wise man builds his house on the rock—so when the rains fall and the winds blow, it stands firm.
In courtship, that rock is not romantic compatibility, mutual hobbies, or shared ambition. It is a shared spiritual conviction. Before you ask, “Is this the one for me?” you must first ask, “Am I walking with the One who made me?” Spiritual growth is not optional—it is essential.
Ask yourself:
- Have I submitted my desires to Christ?
- Am I being transformed by the Word?
- Is my potential spouse equally yoked in faith?
- Do we both seek God’s will above our own?
2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us not to be unequally yoked. Spiritual mismatch breeds confusion, conflict, and compromise. God’s will is not just about who you marry but how you both walk together in Him.
C – Commitment to Covenant, Not Convenience
In a world dominated by “cancel culture” and casual relationships, covenant is rare. But covenant is God’s model for love. It is not based on feelings, convenience, or circumstances. It is rooted in a promise that mirrors God’s unwavering love for His people.
Marriage is not a contract to be torn up when things get hard. It is a sacred covenant that reflects Christ’s relationship with the Church (Ephesians 5:25-32). That covenant requires sacrifice, endurance, and grace.
During courtship, couples must ask not only “Do we love each other now?” but “Are we willing to grow, fall, forgive, and rebuild together?” Covenant love doesn’t quit. It doesn’t look for a way out. It clings to Christ, especially when feelings fade and trials arise.
Going Beyond Sex: Reclaiming Purity and Purpose
Sex is a gift from God—but it is not the goal of a relationship. Too often, Christian singles fall into the trap of believing that marriage is simply the holy fix for desire. But reducing marriage to a solution for lust distorts its true purpose.
God calls us to purity not just for morality’s sake, but to protect the beauty of covenant love. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” Courtship is a season of preparing your soul—not just your body—for union.
Purity is not about shame. It is about purpose. When couples choose to wait, they’re declaring that Christ—not craving—is Lord. They’re saying, “Our relationship is built on trust, not temptation.” They’re creating a foundation of honor that will bless them long after the honeymoon ends.
Emotional and Spiritual Readiness
Marriage requires more than desire—it requires readiness. Many enter marriage seeking to be fulfilled without first being made whole in Christ. But as Beyond Sex: The ABC’s of Courtship and Marriage emphasizes, no human being can fill the void only God was meant to fill.
Before stepping into courtship or marriage, ask yourself:
- Am I emotionally stable and healed from past wounds?
- Am I spiritually disciplined and submitted to God’s authority?
- Am I prepared to love, serve, and sacrifice daily?
Emotional health, spiritual maturity, and identity in Christ are the prerequisites for a healthy relationship. They protect you from idolizing your partner and expecting them to give what only God can provide.
Accountability and Community in the Courtship Journey
Christian courtship is not a solo mission—it is a journey best taken with wise counsel and spiritual covering. Proverbs 11:14 tells us that “in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”
Seek mentorship. Involve your pastor. Surround yourselves with believers who will speak truth, challenge compromise, and keep your relationship centered on Christ. Too many couples fall because they isolate themselves. Isolation breeds secrecy—and secrecy breeds sin.
Transparency is not legalism; it’s protection. The right community will help you grow, correct, and walk in obedience.
Pursue Christ, Then Pursue Courtship
Beyond Sex: The ABC’s of Courtship and Marriage is more than a title—it’s a call to maturity. It invites believers to stop settling for surface-level relationships and instead build kingdom-centered marriages.
When Christ is the foundation, love goes deeper than attraction. It becomes a spiritual mission. When courtship is rooted in the Word, relationships are no longer led by feelings but by faith. And when two people come together not to consume but to covenant, they build something that can truly last—on earth and for eternity.
Let us raise the standard. Let us go beyond sex. Let us rediscover the ABC’s of courtship as God intended them: Alignment with His Word, Building in the Spirit, and Commitment to Covenant.
Because anything less is just a shadow of what He has prepared for those who love Him.
